the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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