I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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