Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize