I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
