new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
