My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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