The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
