I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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