How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
