I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
