i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
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then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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