we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize