And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
