I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Someone shattered a urinal.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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