Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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