hotel room ftw
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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