I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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