Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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