i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
