If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
