And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
