I cannot find my penis.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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