That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
