he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
