That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
