kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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