are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
