I accidentally burped into my bong.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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