yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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