I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
