You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
