i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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