This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
