Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
