so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
