Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
