Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
