what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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