Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm getting married
To pizza
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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