My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
