Who wears a wallet chain?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
