capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
