WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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