let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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