On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
