Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
