mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
