She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
