I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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