My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
