lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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