You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
