but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
