??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
