sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
