dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
