I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
