If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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