sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
