Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
