.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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