too bad you live with your parents still
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sarcasm needs its own font
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
