He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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