This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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