Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
