Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
