You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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