You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
