i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
