whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
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Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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