Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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